«Ніхто з моїх польських колег не знає, що я була на війні», —  медикиня Богдана Пеняк 

«Women's Territory» is a nationwide organisation that has united women worldwide. Over nearly 11 years of existence, they have implemented dozens of projects, including cultural ones. The head of the organisation, Liliia Shevchenko, believes that a person who knows their roots automatically understands who they are and what they must do to preserve their country. The full-scale war has altered the organisation's operations. They have already delivered over five hundred tonnes of humanitarian aid to military personnel and civilians. They support families of prisoners of war and help women who have experienced violence. Moreover, they are expanding their presence in Europe.

Nataliia Zhukovska: Ms Liliia, you are the head of the «Women's Territory» organisation. What is this territory like?

Liliia Shevchenko: Our nationwide public organisation «Women's Territory» was founded by ideologically driven women who live and breathe Ukraine. This is not an empty phrase but the pure truth. «Women's Territory» is neither defined nor limited by borders. It is not only the territory of those residing in Ukraine but also the territory of women worldwide, especially now, when millions of Ukrainian women, fleeing war, have found temporary refuge in many European countries. We want to help them systematically. So, we decided that «Women's Territory» would now operate under the umbrella of the host country and its laws. Currently, work on the documents for «Women's Territory» in Poland is nearing completion. We have held talks with representatives from the Polish Ministry of Social Policy and with relocated Ukrainian businesses and Polish businesses. How will they help Ukrainian women in Poland? Primarily by organising Sunday schools. This is important so that children while learning about the culture of their host country, do not forget their Ukrainian heritage. Given that Ukraine is in a full-scale war and most funds from businesses and ministries are allocated to military needs, there is insufficient funding from the Ministry of Education for books and educational materials for children abroad. One of the tasks of «Women's Territory» is not only to establish Sunday schools but also to print books. We have already held talks with the «Gutenberg» publishing house. We will distribute books for free, starting with our Sunday schools.

We already have a developed base, so organising work in Poland will not be difficult. One of our members opened the first art school in Warsaw at the end of 2022 and has already received small grants from the local Polish authorities. The school offers free art classes to both Ukrainian and Polish children.

One of the messages of «Women's Territory» is that we not only take from the countries that shelter us but also give to them

We have provided Europe with qualified specialists. Due to the war in Ukraine, many educators, medical professionals and managers moved to the EU. Many of them have already had their diplomas recognised. For instance, our member, who led «Women's Territory» in Dnipro, now lives in Gdansk, has confirmed her qualifications, and is a qualified lawyer. Her mother also verified her diploma and works as a dentist. So, we offer our knowledge and services to the Polish people as well. We want the Poles to understand that they do not only give but also receive. This will also be one of the tasks of «Women's Territory» in Poland.

We will also focus on women's leadership and gender issues. A woman must understand her status and significance in society.

How has the organisation's work changed since the start of the full-scale war?

«Women's Territory» shifted 90 per cent towards volunteer activities. In Poland, for example, we partnered with several Polish foundations that had a 400-square-metre volunteer warehouse in Warsaw. We are grateful to the Poles for covering its rental costs for an extended period. It was packed to the ceiling with humanitarian aid, ranging from clothing and food to expensive medical supplies, which we distributed to Ukrainian hospitals. For example, we had diffuser devices, each costing around 2500 euros, with over a thousand in stock. We equipped hospitals with beds, X-ray machines, and vitamins. Both Ukrainians and Poles worked at the warehouse. We dispatched trucks loaded with aid based on recipients' requests and provided support to relocated family-type children's homes and care facilities for the elderly. We received tourniquets and body armour and raised funds for drones. We did not merely adapt to new challenges - we also helped others adapt to them.

Who are the members of your organisation?

There are around two thousand of us. There are women, heads of departments, who have their own public organisations and foundations. For example, our member is Iryna Mikhniuk - a widow, the wife of a fallen Hero of Ukraine. Since 2014, she has headed the organisation «Wings of the Eighth Hundred» - it consists of widows, wives of the fallen, and children. In Ukraine, there are already 19 officially registered branches of ours. The team includes women from various professions and financial backgrounds, but with a shared ideological mindset and vision. There are also military personnel, such as Viktoria Khrystenko, who was the first adviser to the Admiral of the Ukrainian Navy.

In my team, there is a board member of «Women's Territory» from Donetsk, Alina Khaletska, who was forced to flee her native city. Her family had a unique background. Her husband worked for the Donetsk administration, and she herself is a lecturer, professor and academician. They left everything behind when they fled. Upon arriving in Irpin, they worked hard to save money and eventually started purchasing a flat. Sadly, during the full-scale war, it was destroyed by an enemy shell. They endured the occupation in Irpin. In other words, they have lived through occupation twice in their lifetime. This woman was offered work abroad. Where do you think she is? In Irpin. She does not wish to leave Ukraine.

What problems do women approach you with?

Many women joined us when we became part of the coalition «Women, Peace, Security». These are activists fighting for women's leadership and supporting victims of violence. In Ukraine, this remains a major issue, especially in places like Bucha and Irpin. You are likely familiar with some of these stories. There is much I know but cannot share publicly. Our agreement is to not speak of experiences unless we were participants. I am a witness. These are stories lived by women, girls, or children. They share their stories themselves if they wish to. All stories are heavy. How do we support them? I always advocate for mutual assistance and supporting one another. It is crucial to speak with them very carefully, as every word can be traumatising.

We help them regain their footing, providing a sense of sisterhood and the reassurance that they are not alone - that we stand together

We stress that anyone could find themselves in a similar situation. Our message is one of solidarity. Sometimes, we involve these women in processes by seeking their help to show them they are needed. Engagement, even minimal, can serve as a distraction and relief. We have no formal programme for this, our approach has been refined over many years.

Additionally, through a memorandum of cooperation with municipal employment centres, we assist women in retraining and finding jobs. We collaborate closely with the Ministry of Veterans. Many of the women in «Women's Territory» are defenders who were once civilians. We were the first to help sew military uniforms and undergarments for women. We also sourced anatomical body armour specifically designed for them.

What has the organisation accomplished during its existence?

Our lives are now divided into «before» and «after» the full-scale war. Prior to it, we had a powerful project that united Ukrainian children living abroad. We also established the International Festival of Cultural and Creative Industries, known as «Women's Territory», which we later renamed «Masters' Territory». If not for the full-scale war, this festival would have received funding from the Ministry of Culture and Information Policy. It was a platform that elevated Ukrainian crafts, demonstrating that Ukrainian products are not merely sold at fairs and markets, but even in five-star hotels. For now, this project has been put on hold. Today, we focus on uniting Ukrainian women abroad.

We strive to ensure that Ukraine is not forgotten. Our initial focus is on registering «Women's Territory» in Poland and France. Next, we plan for Belgium, Switzerland, Germany and Spain

We have provided female defenders with over 1200 boxes containing first-aid kits, vitamins, special olive-based creams to prevent skin cracking and even perfumes.

Every woman should feel like a woman, no matter where she is. We even provided hair dye tailored to their colour types. Once, I asked the women to take photos for a media campaign to raise funds for these boxes. They sent back pictures - clean, with hairstyles and manicures. It turned out they had travelled to a district centre and, using their own money, found skilled manicure artists and hairdressers. They told me, «Lilia, when we opened these boxes, we felt like we were at home». You see, they received a psychological breath of happiness.

Your organisation has helped women with children evacuate from dangerous areas to avoid occupation. How did this happen, and how many people have you assisted?

We do not have exact numbers on how many people we have helped. We evacuated people from Melitopol, Berdyansk, Kherson, Donetsk region, and the left, already occupied, bank of the Zaporizhzhia region. Of course, we were assisted by the military. I am unsure if I am allowed to disclose the details of every rescue story. I will share one - the story of a mother with two children who were leaving Melitopol. At that time, her daughter was 15, and her son was three years old. Their father was in the Armed Forces of Ukraine. If the Russians had found this out, they would have been executed. She instructed her children to remain silent and, if necessary, to respond only in Russian. On their way, Russian soldiers armed with weapons boarded the bus to conduct checks. Approaching them, the muzzle of a rifle hanging on one soldier's shoulder accidentally pressed against the child's head. The boy was so terrified that he wets himself to this day. They were interrogated, their phone SIM cards were examined, and the family endured multiple rounds of hell. It later turned out they were fortunate that the child was not undressed. Only later did the mother notice a hidden sheet of A4 paper on her son's chest. On it was a drawing of his father in military uniform, with a flag and the words «Glory to Ukraine!». The boy had placed that drawing there himself. To him, it represented Ukraine, his life. If the Russians had seen that drawing, they would have been executed. We have many such stories.

Do you keep in touch with the families you have assisted?

Someday, I will revisit those lists. But for now, our priority is to officially establish «Women's Territory» in Europe and America. We are resilient, genuine, and active. We are women accustomed to giving, not taking. Perhaps in time, I will become more interested in the fates of those we have helped. However, I often question whether reaching out would be beneficial or if it might unintentionally bring harm.

You travel abroad frequently. What do you talk about there, how do foreigners react, and what interests them most?

I talk about the solidarity and resilience of the Ukrainian people. I share the harsh realities of war we face, the immense challenges, and our efforts to overcome them. My message is always framed to emphasise the need for support in these efforts. I say, «We are taking action, not standing by. Help us in this war in any way you can - through expertise, humanitarian aid, or military support». We consistently highlight the need to support the Ukrainian army, and I know our message is being heard.

«Women's Territory» supports prisoners of war and continuously participates in various campaigns. Do you believe these efforts contribute to exchanges?

Absolutely. We have been supporting the families of prisoners of war since the start of the war in 2014. We organise events with the mothers, wives, and children of captured marines. Do you remember those taken prisoner in Crimea at the beginning of the war? We brought the mother and daughter of one of the marines to the UN so that their speech could raise awareness and tell the truth about the war in Ukraine. Any information campaign must be planned and ongoing. Such initiatives not only ensure that the world does not forget those in captivity but also help the relatives of prisoners of war feel they are not alone, preventing them from being lost in their grief. Tragedy unites. We have many poignant stories related to the return of prisoners of war. Recently, there was a soldier on the list who had been eagerly awaited by everyone. They thought he had come back. However, it turned out it was not him. The surname was the same, but the first name was different.

You also conduct training sessions for government institutions on communication with veterans and their families. What are the key principles you focus on?

I will illustrate with the example of the Kyiv City Employment Centre. Engaging with a military veteran, a defender or a servicewoman, requires a particular approach. For instance, we - as empaths - often feel the urge to approach a soldier on the street and say, «Thank you for your service. Glory to Ukraine». We might want to hug them and say, «You are a hero!». Yet, almost none of this should be said or done. These are triggers. If you call them heroes, they often do not perceive themselves that way. This is why we educate not only employees of state institutions but also the civilian population. The most important thing is teaching how to understand and engage with these individuals. For example, when they come to the Kyiv City Employment Centre, the manager who interacts with them must be highly qualified and aware that every soldier might experience flashbacks. We train them to pay attention to facial expressions, eyes, and behaviour. Employees of such institutions must be prepared for any possible scenario because almost all soldiers have experienced concussions. Furthermore, there must be barrier-free access and inclusivity.

Veterans must be actively involved in rebuilding Ukraine after the war, not left idle at home

Sociologists warn of a crisis facing the country after the war, particularly a demographic one. Do you think Ukrainian women will return from Europe after the victory? What steps are needed to ensure this?

I am unsure if I can speak openly about this, but yes, we are facing a demographic crisis. A baby boom will not be enough to solve this. We are exploring solutions because it concerns our future. Will women return from abroad? The longer the full-scale war continues, the less likely it becomes. Many divorces are happening now. Numerous women have adapted to their children's needs, and most of these children are assimilating into the societies where they now live. We have already encountered such cases among my members. They lived abroad. The daughter wanted to return, but the son did not. He had adapted, made friends, and was better accepted in his class than he had been at home. He likes the new country.

We must understand that parents' decisions will be influenced by their children. Therefore, we need to prioritise working with children abroad

Moreover, many women abroad have managed to realise themselves better or earn more than they did at home. For example, she was a nurse in a hospital in western Ukraine, and now she works as a nurse in Wroclaw. In Poland, she earns significantly more. Our officials must listen to society and start developing a programme to bring Ukrainian women home today. «Women's Territory» will undoubtedly contribute to this effort, primarily with its experience and resources. After all, we live in this country - to defend, revive, and provide it with a future. Fortunately, the majority of «Women's Territory» members abroad understand this.

Mariana joined the military service in one of the Marine Corps units back in 2018. There, she met her future husband, a serviceman in the National Guard. In the spring of 2022, Mariana was taken captive - three months into her pregnancy. Despite her condition, the Russians showed no leniency. However, it was her child that helped her persevere then. After all, «a mother cannot surrender».

On September 22nd 2022, Mariana Mamonova, who was then nine months pregnant, was exchanged. This was the same exchange in which Viktor Medvedchuk was returned to Russia. Alongside her, 214 Ukrainian soldiers who defended Mariupol returned home. Three days after her release, Mariana gave birth to a daughter.

Mariana is now 32. She is a mother, a volunteer, a psychotherapist, and the founder of a charitable foundation aimed at helping women who have experienced Russian captivity. She considers helping women who have endured Russian imprisonment her mission.

«In captivity, they threatened to take my child away and send her to an orphanage»

Kseniya Minchuk: Tell us, how did you recover after captivity? What helped you?

Mariana Mamonova: I gave birth immediately after returning from captivity, so I had no time to adjust. When my daughter turned one and I slowly started to resurface, things became emotionally challenging. I lacked the mental resources for healthy motherhood. I realised I needed help and sought out a psychotherapist, whom I am still working with today.

Something always brings you back to what you experienced in captivity.

I had nightmares. I couldn’t sleep. When my daughter woke up at night, we would turn on a nightlight for children. Then, I couldn’t sleep anymore because, in the colony, we always slept with the lights on

In captivity, a person exhausts all their resources to survive. You do not analyse or reflect - you survive. But when you come out, you start to process everything. Many times, I asked myself, how did I survive it all? I must have been born under a lucky star.

Yet, a child loves you unconditionally, and this love motivates you to achieve new things. My child gives me strength when it seems I have none left. You come home from work, wanting to lie down like a stone, but no - you need to play with your daughter. Soon, you realise that in these games, you find restoration.

- How were you treated in captivity?

- At first, I thought I would be exchanged quickly since I was pregnant. But that did not happen. I was very worried that I might be taken to Russian territory, where women convicted of serious crimes serve their sentences. They threatened me with this - they said they would send me there, that I would give birth there, they would take my child from me, I would remain in that colony, and my child would be taken to an orphanage. I was terribly afraid of this. My fear intensified when I was moved to a hospital in Donetsk - it was then that I realised such a scenario was real. A similar incident occurred in Olenivka. A woman wanted to leave Mariupol, but she and her month-old child were detained at a filtration point. She was taken to Olenivka, and her child was sent to an unknown location. Another pregnant woman was taken to Taganrog, she returned no longer pregnant, as she had endured physical torture.

I was concerned that the constant fear and adrenaline I felt would affect my child's health. At the same time, my child helped me stay strong. I could not afford to give up for her sake. «A mother must be strong», I thought then. I would stroke my belly and talk to my daughter.

In captivity, I dreamed a lot. I imagined where I would walk, how I would drink a latte and eat cherry doughnuts, which I craved immensely. I clung to these fantasies

I also mentally made a list of things I needed to do once I returned from captivity. «You must return», I told myself daily.

- Do you have any insights on why some endure captivity while others do not? I mean psychologically.

- A strong inner core is very important. If one has it, one will endure. In captivity, they constantly press on you not only physically but also psychologically. For example, every day they told us that no one needed us, that everyone had forgotten about us, that Ukraine had no plans to exchange us. «If anyone cared about you, you would have been exchanged already», they told us. But an inner voice told me otherwise. That this was all manipulation. That these were the words of people who attacked us, who kill us and destroy the lives of millions. Insatiable, greedy tyrants. How could one listen to them? Could one expect any truth from them? No. But when the same thing is repeated to you daily for 2-3 years, at some point, doubt creeps in - maybe they are right, and I really am of no use to anyone?

The support and empathy of other prisoners helped me. Our shared struggle sustained all of us. Without a sense of humour, one would probably go mad.

Everyone in captivity knew I was pregnant and tried to help me. I made friends there. Eight girls who were recently exchanged come for rehabilitation in Lviv and always want to see me, they ask me to come with my child: «We want to see the baby we helped feed when we were with you in captivity».

They thought I was struggling in the colony. And I thought they were struggling

They looked at me and said: «If Mariana holds on, then we certainly cannot give up». I was their lifeline.

«Above all, those freed from captivity want to be with their loved ones»

- Tell us about your foundation, which you created to help freed female captives. Who do you help, and in what ways?

- I work as a psychotherapist at the rehabilitation centre «Unbreakable» - with people who have endured captivity and those with combat-related injuries. I know many specialists, so assembling a professional team was not difficult. I chose my colleagues as if I were choosing for myself. It is essential that the team is empathetic, reliable, and highly professional.

The aim of our foundation is to help women who have experienced captivity. We support their rehabilitation: mentally, physically and spiritually. This involves working with psychologists, psychotherapists and in groups - to help them feel like women again and lead happy lives. We call this direction Heelme.

We also provide support to the pregnant wives of servicemen, pregnant veterans and pregnant women who have lost their husbands in the war. This project is called Mommy and Baby. We will provide packages for newborn children, which include items for both the child and the mother. Often, when women give birth, gifts are brought for the child, but the mother is forgotten. We have received approximately three thousand requests for these packages.

To receive assistance from our foundation, one must complete a Google form. It is mandatory to have a Combatant’s ID, a marriage certificate (if the help is for a serviceman's wife), or a birth certificate (if the help is for a serviceman’s newborn child).

- What symptoms of the freed individuals do your psychotherapists work with?

- As a psychotherapist, I encounter various symptoms. These include uncontrollable aggression, a constant immersion in past events, and intrusive memories. There are also sleep disorders, memory impairments, and quick exhaustion. A persistent or periodic feeling of tension and anxiety, as well as numbness or lack of emotions.

Quite often, people returning from captivity do not feel joy or satisfaction in life

This manifests either immediately or three to four months after their return. Social alienation often develops, and sometimes even antisocial behaviour. Working with all of this is very challenging but necessary.

- In your opinion, what should be changed in Ukrainian legislation to improve the lives of people who have returned from captivity?

- Many changes are needed. For instance, people who have endured captivity must undergo rehabilitation. However, those who return to service after captivity do not receive rehabilitation.

Commanders who have not experienced captivity do not understand soldiers who have. And this is not only difficult - it is dangerous. Freed individuals absolutely need additional rehabilitation. Because war is a trigger

A significant problem is that people return from captivity only to be placed in quarantine in a hospital, limiting their contact with society. This is yet another trauma. You escape from one captivity, only to find yourself in another.

Above all, those freed from captivity want to see their loved ones. To embrace them, to talk to them, to realise they are loved, that people fought for them and waited. This gives an inner strength, confirming that it was not in vain to hold on. Only after spending time with family should they be sent for rehabilitation. Unfortunately, freed prisoners are usually confined in hospitals immediately, and then intelligence services arrive for interrogations. Such a procedure never has a positive effect on a person.

Enduring captivity is a lifelong experience. It never truly ends. The effects remain forever. It is impossible to heal in one go. You have to learn to live with it. Thus, rehabilitation for those who have survived captivity is essential. It helps them return to normal life, and for a soldier, it enables effectiveness.

«At least 400 Ukrainian women are in Russian captivity»

- Helping women who return from captivity is a tremendous responsibility. But I am not afraid of this responsibility. I understand these women because I am one of them. I want to give them what I could not receive.

When the euphoria of return fades, daily life begins, where there is constantly something to «sort out». And the mental resources and strength for this are lacking

Our foundation is unique in that it truly understands the rehabilitation of women who have experienced captivity. We are currently seeking investors, and ultimately, I aim for autonomy. I hope people will recognise the importance of our initiative. Because we are helping those who have given away the most valuable thing - their freedom to defend Ukraine.

These people endured 14 out of the 16 types of torture that exist. They are broken people

We must help them become whole again. There are approximately 400 Ukrainian women currently held in Russian captivity. This is an estimate, probably no one knows the exact number.

Many captives die due to torture, and some switch sides under Russian propaganda or threats. Every day we are losing Ukrainians - it is a catastrophe. I wish more people and initiatives would join the efforts to exchange captives. I urge everyone to fight for each person. Otherwise, we will lose this war. And we cannot afford to let that happen.

«I have never even considered leaving my country. To reside temporarily in another region? It has already happened to me once, and I have had enough. I understood that the only way out was to go and get rid of the occupants of my land. I had waited 8 years for the opportunity to get back at them».

This is how 32-year-old Olga Bigar describes her feelings in the first days of the full-scale Russian invasion when she and her two younger brothers went to the recruitment office. Olga is an artillerist, officer of the Armed Forces of Ukraine, deputy battalion commander and head of a joint fire support group. Call sign - «The Witch» because, as Olga says herself, she can «set the sky on fire».

How to set the sky on fire

- You once said that the beginning of the full-scale war with Russia was a relief for you in a certain way. What did you mean by that?

- I understood the imminence of this war. And the anticipation of death, as it is well known, is worse than death itself. When it all began, it was a kind of relief because this time Russia invaded openly, and we were able to respond properly. Until February 2022 Russian troops that occupied the territories in Donbas did not wear chevrons - formally, «they were not there». In the eyes of the international community, this was rather an inner conflict, and we could not retaliate properly.

I saw with my own eyes everything that happened in Donbas in 2014, as I am from Kramatorsk myself. I participated in resisting the occupants. I brought my close ones to Kyiv and enrolled in a law faculty because I realised one has to know how to defend one’s rights. I already had a degree in neurobiology at that moment. Studying for my second degree, I worked in law firms and then opened my own company. In 2016 I also gave birth to my son.

I enjoyed my job but knew well that I would enlist when the great war began.

- Did your mother and brothers enlist as well?

- On February 25th, our whole family went to the recruitment office. Now we serve in various units of the Defence Forces: One brother - a combat medic, another - a scout. Our mother also serves in the AFU (Armed Forces of Ukraine)

As for me, I did not choose the branch of the military - most of the enlisted people ended up in Territorial Defence at the beginning of the great war. I became deputy commander of an infantry company. Later I was in charge of a platoon, and after the Kyiv campaign, we had our first serious military operation on the outskirts of Bakhmu.

I learned a lot - both in theory and in practice. I became a mortarwoman. Four mortar operators were assigned to my platoon, and I saw how a well-constructed fire control system could change the situation on the battlefield. That is why I put my efforts into fire support. Some people might find it hard but for me, it was simultaneously easy and interesting.

- Do artillerists work with numbers and calculations?

- Knowledge in mathematics (thanks biological faculty), topography and topogeodezie are required. There is no higher maths here but there is trigonometry: you calculate the ballistics and distances.

These are the same sines, cosines and cotangents you learn at school and think you will never need in real life. But this knowledge is vital to an artillerist

A shell bursts - and you need to adjust this shell, calculate the angle by which it deviated, measure it down to a thousandth, transfer it to the map, and determine how to adjust the firing settings. We already have unique automated systems but we still perform the initial calculations ourselves. We adjust not just one fire asset, but several simultaneously.

One time, I had ten firing positions simultaneously. An enemy assault is underway. I plan the fire, adjust it, distribute targets, give commands to fire, record the hit emplacements and keep all the statistics. The drone footage often leaves much to be desired, but you have to determine the coordinates of the explosion, remember who fired, quickly provide corrections, and promptly record all this in the log. In front of me are several monitors, a radio, a headset - and I simultaneously perform calculations, write down coordinates, and respond on the radio…

Skills are honed gradually. Initially, I had three mortars, then six, and then we got cannons. Since we don't have weekends or holidays, the process of learning and working is virtually continuous. My resting time is spent going to check the positions. To fire the mortars myself, check the condition of the weapons and arrange the dugouts. This is also part of my duties.

- Mortars are very heavy. Do you often lift them yourself?

- Of course. But you have to understand that I do not move the mortars on my own. It is usually transported to places within driving distance and then pulled by quadricycles or my comrades and I pull it with belts.

There are many nuances to this work but I manage. In the Autumn of 2023, I temporarily became the acting fire support officer, and in December, I became the deputy battalion commander for artillery.

- You mentioned that sometimes a mortar operator has to perform precision work to avoid hitting their own troops. What situations are you referring to?

- The war has changed now: it is no longer manoeuvrable but positional. We are in defence, and the distance between our trenches and that of the enemy can measure up to 25 meters. According to doctrine, artillery is prohibited from working with large calibres at distances of less than 400 meters. But if the enemy takes a position as close as possible to ours, I take responsibility for measures to cover our infantry, and then we work like surgeons. We calculate 10,000 times, make a few precise shots, and keep the position under our control. The battle may seem chaotic from the outside, but in reality, it is a complex and carefully planned process.

- What is the most difficult for you in the war?

- When there is no communication with the position, and you realise you might lose people. As a commander, you understand that if this has happened, it means the work was done incorrectly, and it is your mistake. And even if it's not your fault, it's still hard to tell yourself that it's normal to lose personnel.

The hardest part is when it concerns guys aged 20-25 - they remind me of my younger brothers. Recently, one of our best grenade launcher commanders came under fire, and I reacted too emotionally; my hands were trembling. My subordinates should not see me in this state.

A lot depends on the mood and behaviour of the commander, especially if it is the first battle for some of the subordinates.

About 70 per cent of people experience stress from the first battle similarly: they seem to withdraw into a shell. They are unable to process information or follow orders. Instinct tells them to run - it doesn't matter where.

In such a situation, a calm commander who smiles, reassures and even jokes can play a crucial role. Say there is a soldier at my position, and we are adjusting the mortar. Then the shelling starts. I understand that if the first shell fell a hundred meters from us, the second will also miss. But the third one might hit. So we have three minutes to retreat to the positions.

I tell the soldier to take down the tube, but he can't do it - his hands are shaking, he's panicking. I calmly sit on the ground, showing by my demeanour that nothing extraordinary is happening, and begin to calm him down. Even if the enemy hits our position or the roof is on fire, we don't panic: we put on masks, cover our faces with wet cloth and wait for the shelling to end so we can calmly exit.

- Do you get scared at all?

- Yes. I remember when one position reported that three enemy GEDs (guided aerial bombs. - Author) were headed towards another position, everything inside me froze, and I caught my breath... I quickly mobilised the evacuation teams and told them to take crowbars and pickaxes with them. So that if someone got buried, we could dig them out.

«Attitude towards women in the army has changed»

- Have you, as a female commander, ever faced prejudice or sexism?

- Until 2016 there have not been any military jobs for women in the Ukrainian army. Since the beginning of the full-scale war, there has been a large number of young NATO-oriented commanders, and the attitude towards women in the army has changed.

But, undoubtedly, sometimes I do hear things like: «Female commander? Well, well». However, I do not take it personally. Not all people are educated and have good manners. And if you are too sensitive and can not turn the situation into a joke, it means the army is not for you.

- There is a video on social networks where you can be seen polishing your nails under a gel light in the middle of a war zone.

- Actually, I hate doing this. But it's necessary. A manicure in wartime is not a matter of beauty, but first and foremost, convenience. Gel polish better protects the nail plate from the cold and injuries, from aggressive substances you use to clean weapons. On adrenaline, you might not even notice getting injured. You might hit your hand, fall, sorry for the details, on a corpse. Then you scrape yourself out of there, your hands are in the dirt, and there's nowhere to wash them... When nails are protected by gel polish, the likelihood that the skin underneath will survive is higher.

Long nails perform many practical functions. For example, it is easy to cut open a gunpowder package using them. Recently, I used a long nail to remove a splinter from my leg... And nail polish and gel lamps are also necessary for sealing plastic or soldering some parts.

- You are saying adrenaline blocks off the feeling of pain. How does it happen?

- Your heart rate increases on adrenaline, and it feels like you can do anything. The state itself is cool, euphoric. But eventually, what we call the comedown sets in.

The last time I came under «Grad» rocket fire in Chasiv Yar, I was able to run 10 kilometres afterwards on adrenaline. However, after that, I completely crashed - I slept for three hours and did not hear the enemy hitting us with GEDs. This is the comedown - the body takes its toll.

After this, for about two weeks, you are in a terrible mood, you can not eat or sleep, you feel nauseous and have headaches. In such moments, staying at the company's location and loading yourself with routine work is better. And if you are given time off, go to your family later - when you have recovered psychologically.

- You have a seven-year-old son. You said you sometimes feel the need to distance yourself from your close ones, even your child. What does it mean?

- It may sound wild, but I realise that I could die. My life is currently dedicated to the state, not my family. And my efforts are aimed at making my son as independent as possible. So that if something happens to me, he can cope relatively well.

Another point is that it is not always right to share your mood and state with a child who is still psychologically immature. Before going to see my son, I try to clear as much military-related stuff from my mind as possible.

- Since the beginning of the full-scale war, you have placed the interests of the state above your own. Why? What does Ukraine mean to you?

- For me, Ukraine is not just certain boundaries on topographic and geographic maps. It is a cultural code. It is traditions, language and inventions. We have much to be proud of.

At the same time, when Ukrainians go to Poland, Germany or the UK, they are pleasantly surprised by the perfect roads and quality of life. When we go to NATO bases for training, we are impressed by how all their processes are organised. So, I am fighting for us to be able to build the same comfort, peace, and democracy in our own country.

But first, we need to defeat the enemy. We will only be able to live and develop normally if we separate ourselves from Russia and Belarus with barbed wire and a 10-kilometre mined zone. We need to drive the occupiers from our land. And my comrades and I are actively working on this.

Photos from Olga Bigar’s private archive