«I have never even considered leaving my country. To reside temporarily in another region? It has already happened to me once, and I have had enough. I understood that the only way out was to go and get rid of the occupants of my land. I had waited 8 years for the opportunity to get back at them».
This is how 32-year-old Olga Bigar describes her feelings in the first days of the full-scale Russian invasion when she and her two younger brothers went to the recruitment office. Olga is an artillerist, officer of the Armed Forces of Ukraine, deputy battalion commander and head of a joint fire support group. Call sign - «The Witch» because, as Olga says herself, she can «set the sky on fire».
How to set the sky on fire
- You once said that the beginning of the full-scale war with Russia was a relief for you in a certain way. What did you mean by that?
- I understood the imminence of this war. And the anticipation of death, as it is well known, is worse than death itself. When it all began, it was a kind of relief because this time Russia invaded openly, and we were able to respond properly. Until February 2022 Russian troops that occupied the territories in Donbas did not wear chevrons - formally, «they were not there». In the eyes of the international community, this was rather an inner conflict, and we could not retaliate properly.
I saw with my own eyes everything that happened in Donbas in 2014, as I am from Kramatorsk myself. I participated in resisting the occupants. I brought my close ones to Kyiv and enrolled in a law faculty because I realised one has to know how to defend one’s rights. I already had a degree in neurobiology at that moment. Studying for my second degree, I worked in law firms and then opened my own company. In 2016 I also gave birth to my son.
I enjoyed my job but knew well that I would enlist when the great war began.
- Did your mother and brothers enlist as well?
- On February 25th, our whole family went to the recruitment office. Now we serve in various units of the Defence Forces: One brother - a combat medic, another - a scout. Our mother also serves in the AFU (Armed Forces of Ukraine)
As for me, I did not choose the branch of the military - most of the enlisted people ended up in Territorial Defence at the beginning of the great war. I became deputy commander of an infantry company. Later I was in charge of a platoon, and after the Kyiv campaign, we had our first serious military operation on the outskirts of Bakhmu.
I learned a lot - both in theory and in practice. I became a mortarwoman. Four mortar operators were assigned to my platoon, and I saw how a well-constructed fire control system could change the situation on the battlefield. That is why I put my efforts into fire support. Some people might find it hard but for me, it was simultaneously easy and interesting.
- Do artillerists work with numbers and calculations?
- Knowledge in mathematics (thanks biological faculty), topography and topogeodezie are required. There is no higher maths here but there is trigonometry: you calculate the ballistics and distances.
These are the same sines, cosines and cotangents you learn at school and think you will never need in real life. But this knowledge is vital to an artillerist
A shell bursts - and you need to adjust this shell, calculate the angle by which it deviated, measure it down to a thousandth, transfer it to the map, and determine how to adjust the firing settings. We already have unique automated systems but we still perform the initial calculations ourselves. We adjust not just one fire asset, but several simultaneously.
One time, I had ten firing positions simultaneously. An enemy assault is underway. I plan the fire, adjust it, distribute targets, give commands to fire, record the hit emplacements and keep all the statistics. The drone footage often leaves much to be desired, but you have to determine the coordinates of the explosion, remember who fired, quickly provide corrections, and promptly record all this in the log. In front of me are several monitors, a radio, a headset - and I simultaneously perform calculations, write down coordinates, and respond on the radio…
Skills are honed gradually. Initially, I had three mortars, then six, and then we got cannons. Since we don't have weekends or holidays, the process of learning and working is virtually continuous. My resting time is spent going to check the positions. To fire the mortars myself, check the condition of the weapons and arrange the dugouts. This is also part of my duties.
- Mortars are very heavy. Do you often lift them yourself?
- Of course. But you have to understand that I do not move the mortars on my own. It is usually transported to places within driving distance and then pulled by quadricycles or my comrades and I pull it with belts.
There are many nuances to this work but I manage. In the Autumn of 2023, I temporarily became the acting fire support officer, and in December, I became the deputy battalion commander for artillery.
- You mentioned that sometimes a mortar operator has to perform precision work to avoid hitting their own troops. What situations are you referring to?
- The war has changed now: it is no longer manoeuvrable but positional. We are in defence, and the distance between our trenches and that of the enemy can measure up to 25 meters. According to doctrine, artillery is prohibited from working with large calibres at distances of less than 400 meters. But if the enemy takes a position as close as possible to ours, I take responsibility for measures to cover our infantry, and then we work like surgeons. We calculate 10,000 times, make a few precise shots, and keep the position under our control. The battle may seem chaotic from the outside, but in reality, it is a complex and carefully planned process.
- What is the most difficult for you in the war?
- When there is no communication with the position, and you realise you might lose people. As a commander, you understand that if this has happened, it means the work was done incorrectly, and it is your mistake. And even if it's not your fault, it's still hard to tell yourself that it's normal to lose personnel.
The hardest part is when it concerns guys aged 20-25 - they remind me of my younger brothers. Recently, one of our best grenade launcher commanders came under fire, and I reacted too emotionally; my hands were trembling. My subordinates should not see me in this state.
A lot depends on the mood and behaviour of the commander, especially if it is the first battle for some of the subordinates.
About 70 per cent of people experience stress from the first battle similarly: they seem to withdraw into a shell. They are unable to process information or follow orders. Instinct tells them to run - it doesn't matter where.
In such a situation, a calm commander who smiles, reassures and even jokes can play a crucial role. Say there is a soldier at my position, and we are adjusting the mortar. Then the shelling starts. I understand that if the first shell fell a hundred meters from us, the second will also miss. But the third one might hit. So we have three minutes to retreat to the positions.
I tell the soldier to take down the tube, but he can't do it - his hands are shaking, he's panicking. I calmly sit on the ground, showing by my demeanour that nothing extraordinary is happening, and begin to calm him down. Even if the enemy hits our position or the roof is on fire, we don't panic: we put on masks, cover our faces with wet cloth and wait for the shelling to end so we can calmly exit.
- Do you get scared at all?
- Yes. I remember when one position reported that three enemy GEDs (guided aerial bombs. - Author) were headed towards another position, everything inside me froze, and I caught my breath... I quickly mobilised the evacuation teams and told them to take crowbars and pickaxes with them. So that if someone got buried, we could dig them out.
«Attitude towards women in the army has changed»
- Have you, as a female commander, ever faced prejudice or sexism?
- Until 2016 there have not been any military jobs for women in the Ukrainian army. Since the beginning of the full-scale war, there has been a large number of young NATO-oriented commanders, and the attitude towards women in the army has changed.
But, undoubtedly, sometimes I do hear things like: «Female commander? Well, well». However, I do not take it personally. Not all people are educated and have good manners. And if you are too sensitive and can not turn the situation into a joke, it means the army is not for you.
- There is a video on social networks where you can be seen polishing your nails under a gel light in the middle of a war zone.
- Actually, I hate doing this. But it's necessary. A manicure in wartime is not a matter of beauty, but first and foremost, convenience. Gel polish better protects the nail plate from the cold and injuries, from aggressive substances you use to clean weapons. On adrenaline, you might not even notice getting injured. You might hit your hand, fall, sorry for the details, on a corpse. Then you scrape yourself out of there, your hands are in the dirt, and there's nowhere to wash them... When nails are protected by gel polish, the likelihood that the skin underneath will survive is higher.
Long nails perform many practical functions. For example, it is easy to cut open a gunpowder package using them. Recently, I used a long nail to remove a splinter from my leg... And nail polish and gel lamps are also necessary for sealing plastic or soldering some parts.
- You are saying adrenaline blocks off the feeling of pain. How does it happen?
- Your heart rate increases on adrenaline, and it feels like you can do anything. The state itself is cool, euphoric. But eventually, what we call the comedown sets in.
The last time I came under «Grad» rocket fire in Chasiv Yar, I was able to run 10 kilometres afterwards on adrenaline. However, after that, I completely crashed - I slept for three hours and did not hear the enemy hitting us with GEDs. This is the comedown - the body takes its toll.
After this, for about two weeks, you are in a terrible mood, you can not eat or sleep, you feel nauseous and have headaches. In such moments, staying at the company's location and loading yourself with routine work is better. And if you are given time off, go to your family later - when you have recovered psychologically.
- You have a seven-year-old son. You said you sometimes feel the need to distance yourself from your close ones, even your child. What does it mean?
- It may sound wild, but I realise that I could die. My life is currently dedicated to the state, not my family. And my efforts are aimed at making my son as independent as possible. So that if something happens to me, he can cope relatively well.
Another point is that it is not always right to share your mood and state with a child who is still psychologically immature. Before going to see my son, I try to clear as much military-related stuff from my mind as possible.
- Since the beginning of the full-scale war, you have placed the interests of the state above your own. Why? What does Ukraine mean to you?
- For me, Ukraine is not just certain boundaries on topographic and geographic maps. It is a cultural code. It is traditions, language and inventions. We have much to be proud of.
At the same time, when Ukrainians go to Poland, Germany or the UK, they are pleasantly surprised by the perfect roads and quality of life. When we go to NATO bases for training, we are impressed by how all their processes are organised. So, I am fighting for us to be able to build the same comfort, peace, and democracy in our own country.
But first, we need to defeat the enemy. We will only be able to live and develop normally if we separate ourselves from Russia and Belarus with barbed wire and a 10-kilometre mined zone. We need to drive the occupiers from our land. And my comrades and I are actively working on this.
Photos from Olga Bigar’s private archive
A Ukrainian journalist with 15 years of experience. She worked as a special correspondent for the national Ukrainian newspaper «Facts», covering emergencies, high-profile court cases and writing about prominent people, as well as the lives and education of Ukrainians abroad. She has also collaborated with a number of international media outlets.
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